i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
