I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
