so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
