She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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