I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
