just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
