Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
