to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
