I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize