$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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