A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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