ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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