ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Randomize
