My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
