I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
