Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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