Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
