what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
