Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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