I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
