so let's talk penis.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
