i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
