This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
