I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize