So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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