After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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