During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
