Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
