I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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