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I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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