I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
