i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize