You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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