dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize