i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
