one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
ok first of all what the fuck
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
