dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
