I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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