I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
