You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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