But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
