So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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