I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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