My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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