Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
