Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
