Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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