I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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