she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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