You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
