I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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