bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
