In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
