i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
