Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
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