I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
