she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
