Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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