The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
