I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
