rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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