I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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