discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
