I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
