i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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