dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
