Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
