I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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