you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
pop tarts are not kleenex
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
