Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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