The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
