it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize