I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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