basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
