Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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