At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
