the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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