somebody snuck up and got me drunk
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
