It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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