im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
