I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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