How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
