I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
