There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
