Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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