If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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