I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
