Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
