you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
