I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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