it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
