it wasn't lemon gatorade
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Found your dick twin last night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
