well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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